There are certain topics in the workplace that are supposed to be off limits. In polite society, these topics are also excluded from the dinner table! I recently had a somewhat awkward “too much information” situation at work. I’ve had a large mole near my left eyebrow for most of my life, but it’s been growing in the last few years. After several reminders from my mom, I finally made the appointment to have it removed. It turns out that it was large enough and deep enough that they had to perform a small surgery to excise the mole, resulting in 4 stitches sitting smack in the middle of my face! I had to wear a band-aid when I returned to work the day after the removal, and I had black stitches showing for the next week.

The first awkward moment happened when I had to go to my first doctor’s appointment. I was under the impression that I could have the mole removed in one visit, so I scheduled a sick day for the entire day off on a Friday. I walked past a manager’s office on my way out on Thursday, and he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow!” I replied that I would be out on Friday, and he asked where I was going. I replied that I had a doctor’s appointment, and he had a confused look and asked, “Oh, the whole day?” I then explained about the mole and he told me, “good luck.” It’s always said that women give too much information in the workplace, but humans are naturally curious about things, especially when they require a full day of scheduled sick time. And, in this case, it wasn’t an overly gross or invasive procedure, so I didn’t mind going into details. But, what if it had been something intensely personal, like IVF? Or, something particularly gross, like a colonoscopy? Or, more awkward, what if I was lying and I had job interviews set up at other companies? At what point do we deflect questions that might force us to provide TMI? Personally, the interaction with my manager didn’t bother me, because I know he wasn’t trying to “catch” me doing something wrong, but the situation still illustrates how easy it can be to meander into awkward or illegal territory.

In addition to the awkward explanation about the doctor’s visit, it was also awkward when I returned to the office. Since it was clear that something had happened to me, some of my colleagues just asked, “What happened to your eye?” In that situation, I just told them that I had a mole removed, and that was that. Some of my colleagues did their best not to stare, but I finally just spoke up and told them that I’d had a mole removed, and again, no big deal. I think sometimes we draw more attention to an issue if we ignore it, because people are stuck speculating about what happened, why it happened, and what’s been done to fix it. I think it’s better to be up front, with a succinct answer when something is obviously visible to the naked eye. However, I think you should keep less obvious issues to yourself. I mentioned IVF and a colonoscopy above, and if asked about my doctor’s visit, I would probably just say, “Oh, you know, routine check-up stuff. Always good to drop by the doctor’s office once or twice a year!” Most people won’t press you further, and I think it’s better to just leave it vague.

I’ve never had a chronic condition that required frequent doctor’s visits, but this situation can lead to more awkward conversations than a one-time, obviously temporary ailment. I had a colleague that was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, which affects the digestive system. This colleague did well to excuse his absence and doctor’s visits by saying, “I’ve been having some issues with my digestive system, and I found out that I have Crohn’s.” This allowed us to go look up Crohn’s symptoms, without having to hear the details of his illness directly from him. Contrast this politically correct response to another colleague I had that went through some health issues. She mentioned a mammogram, a colonoscopy, and a visit to the OBGYN, loud enough for several colleagues to hear it. While each of these procedures was medically necessary, I personally wouldn’t want my colleagues (especially the male colleagues!) to know when I went to the doctor for “lady stuff”. Quite frankly, I don’t think the men want to know any more about the “lady stuff” than they already do, so specific comments about the nature of a doctor’s visit are even more awkward!

I think there’s a fine line between explaining frequent or extended absence, and making sure that you aren’t providing TMI in the workplace. In the case of my mole removal, the “gory details” were tame, succinct, and temporary, so I didn’t mind revealing more about my injury. But, for internal issues that are much messier or gender-specific, I think those are best left out of the workplace.

I’ve attended a few client dinners and company-sponsored lunches, and I’ve noticed some interesting trends about myself and my colleagues when it comes to eating in the workplace. Maybe it’s because I’m early in my career, but it seems to transcend into the senior ranks as well. So, without further adieu, a few observations:

No one wants to be the first to take the bread or chips on the table. I love bread, and I grew up in a family that obliterates bread. Those loaves at Italian restaurants? Yeah, we’re going to need 3 of those to keep us happy until you bring out our drinks. At Mexican restaurants, the waiter quickly discovers that we each need an individual basket of chips, because otherwise, they’ll spend their whole evening replacing our basket. We just LOVE bread and chips! But, when I sit down with my work colleagues, I suddenly feel restricted to one piece of bread. And, I don’t want to be the first to reach for it. This is silly, because everyone is staring at the bread, wishing they could take a piece, and then someone awkwardly offers me the first piece because I’m usually the only woman at the table! Then, no one wants to eat more bread than anyone else, so we all end up with a half-eaten roll on our plates, wishing we could take seconds from the bread basket. So, if we’re all thinking it, why is it so hard to just take the first piece, go back for seconds if you want it, and finish what’s on your plate?

No one wants to take the last piece. The accounting department ordered pizza the other day, and since I sit on the same floor as the accounting department, they invited me to join them. We had the awkward “take the first slice” moment (similar to the bread moment mentioned above!), and we ended up with three extra slices of pizza. Those slices have been sitting in the fridge for 3 days, because no one wants to be “greedy” and take the last piece. Again, this is silly, as we all probably could have eaten one more slice, thus enjoying the meal more, and reducing waste. But, we have to be polite, and apparently it’s more polite to waste food than to be greedy. This is even more ridiculous when you consider that I thought about eating the leftover slices, but since the food was technically meant for the accounting department, and I’m not in accounting, I felt that I shouldn’t take “their” food!

No one wants to be a glutton. It may not look like it, but I can eat A LOT of food. Like, inhale-a-large-pizza-and-dessert amount of food. When I’m with my husband or my parents and siblings, I go back for seconds, and sometimes, thirds of each item. I eat pie and ice cream, baskets of chips, and an entire platter of fajitas and fixings! But, once again, put me with my co-workers, and I start trying to match their food intake. It seems like everyone else does this, because everyone rarely finishes their dinner. Again, this is silly, because we know we’d love to finish the fabulous meal, but we don’t want people to think we’re gluttonous, so instead, we let them think we’re wasteful.

Everyone uses overly-exaggerated manners. It’s always really awkward to go to a pizza place or barbeque place with my co-workers, because everyone tries to use their fancy manners when it’s just not that conducive. Consider paper napkins: they just don’t go in your lap the same way that cloth napkins do! This is especially true when you consider that a lot of places that have paper napkins also serve the type of food that’s best eaten with your hands. Does it really make sense to try to eat a slice of pizza with a fork and knife, holding your paper napkin in your lap? NO. If you don’t want to see this type of normal dining behavior, you should pick a different restaurant! I’m not talking about courtesy, like chewing with your mouth closed, but rather logistics. We love some good barbeque in our southern aviation dinners, so that probably means we should eat the barbeque “properly”… ie: usually best with your fingers. If you’re offended by finger-food, go somewhere that doesn’t serve it!

It’s just hilarious, because we’re all trying to be on our best behavior with our colleagues, and yet we’re all just regular people that like to eat copious amounts of bread with our fingers. This is also incongruent with the ever-present “keep up with the Jones” mentality that glorifies having more, more, more! We want bigger houses, fancier cars, and fashionable clothes, but we can’t eat that last piece of bread? We can’t clean our plates, lest we look greedy? We push to negotiate for a higher starting salary, but we can’t bring ourselves to take that last slice of pizza! So, I ask, are you “real” when you eat with your colleagues?

I’ve got another article on the Daily Muse today, discussing 3 situations when it’s best to take the high road. I’ve written several articles for the Daily Muse, and you can read them here.

The Daily Muse is a great site that offers advice to professional women, and I highly recommend browsing through the articles from the other talented writers!